Back to the Beginning

Heading back to my hotel was rather easy. I had expected trouble, some sign that he knew what I was up to. But as per usual...nothing. The first thing I did was pack, of course I stole the little shampoos and conditioners the hotel provides. I may have been in a hurry but I wasn't in that much of a hurry. With my backpack slung over my shoulder I bolted down the stairs, only stopping to drop the keys off at the greeting desk.

I went outside and hopped into my car, noting that the gas was a little above 3/4 of the tanks capacity which was perfect. It was then that my enthusiasm drained from my system. Before I even started the car I noticed him. He was in the rear view mirror just behind my car. His stare was unnerving, now more than ever. I still found it strange that it felt like I was being stared at even though he didn't have eyes. He tilted his eyes asking the silent question that he already probably knew the answer to.

'Are you sure you want to do this?' 

I actually hesitated to turn the car on, thinking on my decision. Did I want to do this? Knowing that it would send me hurdling back into an uphill battle? 

But I already knew my answer. So I started the car.

I looked in front of me, ignoring the faceless monster that stood behind my car and I grinned nervously.

Time to go back to where it all started, back to the beginning. Back to where I lost her.

...it's going to be one hell of a ride. 

Single Mingling

"Do you not see him?"

I didn't jump, because as paranoid as I was, I didn't feel like I was in any particular danger. It was day time, the sun was out and I was sitting outside of a cafe with a cup of coffee. Coffee was my lifeblood these days. I didn't look at the woman that sat at my table, nor did I answer her for a few moments. Simply staring off into the distance, or more specifically across the street, where he stood. His bald head cocked to the side and his usual tentacles were absent from his back. The citizens that walked along the sidewalks ignored him as usual. As always, I got a sense of morbid amusement out of their blissful ignorance and out of the fact that all of them seemed to walk by him, just inches from touching him, but avoiding his touch all the same. Some of them even twisted slightly, or pivoted on one foot in order to avoid him. I nearly chuckled. I blinked when I realized the woman hadn't walked away and I could still feel her stare.

"....I see a lot of people that could be referred to as him."

She let out a snort at that, "Don't play dumb."

A wry smile formed on my lips, "I don't need to play at being dumb, trust me."

"Don't avoid the question."

"Fine, yes I see him. My turn, why do you see him?"

"That's what you want to know? Not who I am, or why I'm talking to you?"

"It doesn't really matter who you are, it more matters just what it is you are." I glanced over at the young woman who narrowed her onyx eyes, brushing a strand of ebony hair behind her ear.

"I'm human."

Oh, the snark. "Great we have something in common." The dry smile remained on my face. "But I wasn't referring to that, and I'm pretty sure you knew that. Runner...or servant?" 

"You first, not that I need to ask. You don't seem too alarmed at that thing's presence, I can only assume you serve it...don't you?" I heard a click underneath the table and this time it was my turn to snort.

"A gun? Really? Are you going to shoot me?"

"Depends on your answer." 

"Hey, calm down."

I could tell that she was beginning to become irritated with my aloof attitude. I don't find much to be amused with these days so irritating someone is a rare pleasure. It's the little things in life, you know?

"Are you going to answer my question, or do I have to shoot you?" I actually felt the cold barrel of the gun brush against my kneecap. I raised an eyebrow at her. Would she actually shoot me?

"Do you need some tea to calm your nerves? It's pretty good here, I recommend the jasmi-" My tone remained genial even as I heard the gun shaking, from what I can only assume was rage or nerves.

Not that it mattered, I suppose.

"Shut up! Just shut. up." Her tone implied that she was not amused. Poor thing must of been a new runner or just poorly adjusted. I wonder if I was that high strung when I started running. I probably was. Maybe.

I did shut up though. Now that I was paying a little more attention, something that a gun tends to make you do, I noticed that there were loose strands of hair fraying left and right, falling into her face. I remembered when I had first started and the stress was probably eating her alive, just as it had me. She didn't need an irritating asshole, especially since she probably hadn't slept for days, if the bags under her eyes were anything to go by.

"J-Just answer th-the q-question." The stutter came out in a forceful whisper. She didn't want to draw a scene. I didn't particularly want her to either. Drawing attention would create a scene which would raise her panic level, which could then cause her to pull the trigger that was resting against my knee cap. The flesh and bone one, to be clear.

Even as I opened my mouth to answer her question, seriously and truthfully, I found no words. I blanked at that moment. What exactly was I? I first focused on the two categories, that I was provided.

Proxy or Runner? A quick glance at my Fear glossary.

Proxies: Servants of the Slenderman (Slendy, the Wicked Gentleman, the Pale Prince, STRANGER, etc.). These are merely masked individuals, well usually masked, who's sole purpose are to complete tasks that the tall bastard himself couldn't be bothered with, usually tasks that have to be completed within a confined area or without drawing attention. While most would disagree, Slender can't be everywhere at once. Omnipotent he may be, omnipresent he is not.  Proxies also serve the purpose of being a constant reminder of his presence even if he's not actually there at the moment.

So I definitely wasn't a proxy. So perhaps a runner than?

Runners: Simply those who are on the run from one or more Fears and their servants. The circumstances don't particularly matter and every runner has a different goal they believe they must fulfill.

A year ago I would have said that I'm a runner. But now I'm not so sure. I don't know what my purpose is anymore. I wasn't even running anymore really. I moved from place to place, but it was more out of boredom than a feeling that I was in danger. Slender watched or had someone watching almost all the time, but they never acted.

Maybe I'm viewed as a broken runner, one without a purpose, who would be no trouble to him. This woman's question seemed to awake something in my brain. I finally asked myself just what it was I was going to do.

I asked myself a question that I haven't once thought about since this all started for me. What did I want to do? This made me think back to my college days, it made me think about why it was that I wanted to be a doctor. After losing my family, I wanted to make sure that no one had to feel pain.

I shook my head (I think the woman wasn't sure what to do at that point, given that she made no move to pull the trigger or threaten me again). No that wasn't it. Even then I wasn't that naive. But what I did want to do, was make sure that I could reach as many people as possible. Save as many as I was able to. I knew that one person couldn't save everyone but I was content knowing that I could save those I came across.

So I'm not a runner, and I'm not proxy. I wanted to answer her, to answer the question that was within my mind at that moment.

What am I?

"And yes, I still call you hero because you've gone through betrayals and loss and pain. You have surely seen the ugliness of humanity around you- brought into the light by the malice or desperation in those marked by the Fears one way or another. You have seen all, yet you still wish to help. You have still attempted to rise above it."

Wolf's words from so long ago rang clear in my head. It seemed that I was thinking more and more about those I had lost as the days went on. A dry smile formed on my lips and I stopped looking at the woman. Instead I leveled my gaze on Slender who still stood across the street, but now cocked his head to the opposite side, perhaps wondering what it is I found amusing. 

I decided that I would go back to start. But perhaps without the stupidity. That's what I wanted and still want today. I just want to help those I encounter.

I chuckled and finally answered the woman, still staring at the faceless being.

"I am neither a proxy nor a runner. The name's Roy and you can call me a hero." My smile widened ever so slightly and I extended my hand across the table, staring at the ebony haired woman expectantly.

Her brow furrowed and I no longer felt the barrel of the gun against my knee. I assumed that I had confused her enough for her to lower it. She then extended a shaky hand across the table and shook my hand once before withdrawing. She still frowned at me though. "Hero huh?" At least her voice had lost it's quiver. 

I nodded, not visibly reacting when Slender disappeared at the answer. "That's right. I'd give you my business card, but I seem to have left them in my other pants."

The woman continued to stare at me, still obviously not amused. With a sigh she stowed the gun back in her purse and stood. "I can't believe I thought you were a threat."

I waved a hand dismissively at this. "I get that all the time."

The woman snorted before beginning to walk away. "I'm sure you do."

I couldn't help but say something more, to this runner who I most likely would never see again.

"You need to not take everything so seriously. Because if you do, you won't last long."

This actually caused her to stop walking away, but she didn't turn. "I probably won't last too long anyways. None of us runners ever do."

But even though this would be the first and most likely last time I met her, I couldn't help but at least provide her with a way of contacting me if she did run in to trouble. Have to adhere to my new roll of hero, don't I? So with that thought I hastily scribbled my number down and stood up before handing it to her. She shot me a questioning gaze so I quickly explained.

"If you ever run into trouble or even meet someone who could use a little help, don't hesitate to call. I can't promise I'll actually be able to help. But I can certainly try."

"You were serious about being a....hero." She seemed to say the word with a bit of reluctance.

"Of course! That's me, handsome devil and hero extraordinaire!" I struck a 'heroic' pose.

She lifted a hand to her mouth and actually let out a small giggle. Not sure if it was nervous or just pity laughter. But either way, the sound made me happy. If I could never actually end up doing any good for this one runner, at least I could brighten up her day just a little bit.

She waved one last time and was on her way.

....I couldn't help but grin. A new burning resolve coursed through my veins.

Sounds a bit dramatic maybe. I always have been though.

I watched her walk away and began heading back to where I was staying. I had plans to make. 

Reflections of a young man who feels old. (Or "A narcissist's rambling")

Everything was a blur. The trees passed by me and it took all of the focus at my disposal to not to run right in to one. I could smell blood, and the dizziness that was overtaking me meant that it was most likely mine. I wanted to pass out. I wanted to fall asleep and never wake back up. I shook the thoughts from my head and focused on running from the furious thing chasing me. 

Why did I wait until night?

I tripped on a root that was running along the ground in front of me and fell on my back with a pained gasp. I held my side and looked up just in time to catch a glance of the moon, before it was blocked by the faceless entity standing before me. His tendrils waved behind him erratically. I could feel his anger. Feel it in the very air around me. The tendrils shot forward to impale me where I laid-

I woke up before the dream got any further. I'm beginning to remember things, bits and pieces from the night that I turned Faceless down. The more I remember the more I wonder just how it is I made it out alive. But honestly I think the fact that I'm even alive today has been a combination of the people around me and just my own dumb luck.

I've always thought that I was a rather lucky individual. Even after all of this began. Everything that has happened to me up til this point has happened for a reason. At least, I would like believe that.

My family was killed or taken....but in that case it allowed me to move in with Nick and his family. We would grow closer and eventually go to Michigan State University together. There....I would meet Izzy. My Isabella. The love of my life.

I lost Nick. But in doing so I found out that Izzy, who I thought was dead was still alive. I lost my brother, my best friend, to find that out. He would later come for my life, not as dead as I had once thought. I would lose my leg....but kill him again.  I don't know why I'm going through all this again. Remembering all of it and feeling the need to type it all out. So please bare with my rambling.

Throughout this journey I've taken, I have lost much. But I have also gained a few things.

I've gained many great friends. Whom I have been very fortunate to meet.

Wolf: Where do I even start? You saved me from my own ignorance, taught me so much about the world I live in now. The path I walk. You didn't even need too. There was nothing you could gain from helping me. But you did. You're probably the reason I'm alive today. You called yourself a monster all the time. I never saw you that way. You had told me that by helping you were being selfish. You were helping because you could not save another. You're sunshine you called him. But I never cared for your reason. It didn't matter. To me you weren't selfish. You weren't what you said. Even if you were.....you were kind to me. That's all that mattered to me. I'll live out the rest of my days in a way that would have made you proud. Rest in peace, my dear friend.

Fell: We had a rough start, you and I. I could tell from the first time we met that you didn't like me. Every other word you muttered around me was a curse. You wanted me gone from the beginning. Dead so that I couldn't cause any more trouble. It was understandable though. You cared about Wolf so deeply and I was causing her pain. Had our roles been reversed I probably would have wanted you gone as well. Maybe you still hate me? Heh, only conversing with me because Wolf kept me alive, maybe you're just taking her job of baby sitting me. Whether you hated me (or still do) or not, it was fun hanging around with you and Hart.

Hart: You suck ass at video games.

Med: The scientist, the medic, the one who gave me my leg back. You were a genius whether you acknowledged it or not. I don't know where you are, but I hope with all my heart wherever you are, you're safe and happy.

Skye: Ya little bastard you. Stop whining and man up! Go up to your Alter and kick him in the balls or something. You're supposed to take care of Alice. (and Tori even if she doesn't acknowledge it.)

Alice: Love ya, my undead darling. Coolest daughter a guy could ask for. I'll try and visit you soon, kick Skye in the shin for me would you?

Tori: I don't know you too well but you're tough so keep on moving. Keep Skye in line and please give him a kick in the shin as well. Preferably the opposite shin that Alice kicks him in.

Nick: No. Don't come anywhere near here. (wherever here is.)

I've noticed that a lot of my posts lately have sounded like the reflections of someone who's dying.

Well....I'm not. So....yeah. I'll try to post something positive next time. (If that's even possible)

I don't like candles anymore.

How....I don't.......

Someone tell me how I'm supposed to respond to this. Because my mind is blank.

http://oddiyindearing.blogspot.com/2015/03/candles.html

The stupid thing is....the really stupid thing is......the question sticking out in my mind right now?

Why candles?

Why the fucking candles?!

It can't be him. It shouldn't be him. But there's no else it can be. Why the fuck doesn't anyone stay dead anymore?! It's like Quinn is like my own personal Morningstar.

I'd be flattered if I wasn't scared for my life.

Alive and...half decent

How long's it been? Since all of this started, I mean? I found myself wondering that today.....I didn't mean since my running days had began. I mean this stupid game. That he plays with us. We're just his playthings after all, aren't we?

A lot of people favor the line of thought, that Slenderman has a reason for the things he does. That he's just some higher form of intelligence, or a deity a wrathful god, or even an omen. A sign that misfortune is going to follow whoever lays on him. In a twisted sort of way, he kind of is an omen. He shows up and shit hits the fan. A night at a hotel...a pleasant hotel. I didn't even stay in the building, I slept out in the car I had been renting. I hadn't slept in days. I go to close my eyes and one after another the car's around mine go up in flames. Cops converge on the scene before I can even gather myself. I'm brought in for questioning.....The man who enters my interrogation room is frowning at me. I assure him that I had nothing to do with the explosions. That I wasn't some..mad bomber or whatever the hell he wanted to call me.

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Even so, as I was being questioned he appeared in the room. Barely fitting beneath the ceiling. The cop turned around for a moment, running a hand through his hair. His eyes settled on the one way mirror and he....he looked at him. His eyes didn't just pass the faceless creature. It wasn't the sleep deprivation, he saw him. I know he did. But he just acted like he wasn't there.

I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The police released me after they realized they didn't have enough to keep me there. I ran to my car...I drove out of there as fast as I could. Now I'm in a library, they closed up for the night and they don't know I'm here. I don't know what to do. I don't even know what my next move is.

I wanted anyone who actually cares to know that I'm still alive. How? I'm not even sure. The night after my last post is a blank....and I don't even think I want to remember it.

I'm always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Reflection: Wolf

I've started to lose track of time. Minutes blur into hours, hours into days, days into weeks. He visits me often. I can't help but think that his visits are starting to make me lose what sense I have left. It's funny, the worst feeling is that of loneliness. Fucking loneliness.......you would think with the faceless monster around, that loneliness would least of my worries. But since I've been alone, I've had little to do but think. To reflect on the last couple of years. Everything that I've done right, a list that is admittedly short. Everything that I've done wrong, a list that is....admittedly long.

I've been left alone with my thoughts. My dark thoughts. Today though, I felt a rare moment of clarity. It came to me as I was cleaning out my book bag, so that I could check my supplies. It was busy work of course. Which is all I've been doing lately.

Make yourself useful to avoid useless thoughts.

I found a mask in my bag. One that I had all but forgotten about. Plain white in color. A black line forming a smirk as a mouth and nothing else other than the eye holes. It was not the mask I had found in the closet. No, it was a gift from a friend. Wolf had given me a mask as a going away present when I had visited for the last time. Memories flooded my mind.

"Ha! Another win for me." I grinned at the fuming man next to me. He threw his controller down and glared at me, though I could tell he wasn't actually angry at me.

"I call hacks!"

I stared blankly at him and then gestured at the super Nintendo.

"Really?"

"Whatever dude, you cheat." A small grin formed on Hart's face, one that I couldn't help but return. I was relaxed, more so than I had been for a long time. With the group's help, and the mental exercises Wolf made me do, I had broken the influence that the Objects had on me. Since then, aside from the training drills that Wolf put me through (she claimed she was taking it easy on me because of my wrist), I had merely been relaxing at the cabin. Whether that meant whooping Hart's ass at video games or Fell kicking my ass when we would get bored and spar. Wolf had even tried to teach me how to knit once I healed a bit.....didn't work out.

"Another round?"

Hart opened his mouth to respond before being cut off.

"Hero?" I looked back to see Wolf, while repressing my irritation at the nickname. I had accepted it at this point, despite the fact that I didn't think I was any hero. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" I exchanged a glance with Hart who just shrugged. I stood to my feet with a sigh and followed Wolf outside where she merely sat down and patted the ground next to her.

I raised an eyebrow, the grin on my face vanishing. I sat down next to her and stared out at the trees. No matter how long I spent there, the feeling of uneasiness never went away. It had lessened over time, but it never went away. Not like I expected it to, after all it was HIM who had made this place. We sat in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke up.

"You can't stay here much longer, Hero. We can't keep expecting Ritter to ignore your presence here." I frowned. I had been afraid that this was what she wanted to talk about. I didn't feel ready, but I knew she was right. I had overstayed my welcome here as it was.

"Today then?" I asked

I heard her audibly sigh.

"Yes… Will you be alright?"

I chuckled and put a large smile on my face. "You know me Wolf. I can't keep myself out of trouble. Murphy's law hates me that way I guess." I attempted to make light of the situation.

Wolf didn’t laugh.

"That is exactly what troubles me now, Hero." She was looking at me, but I would not meet her gaze.

I glanced at her before looking away, "Wolf I-"

"Roy." I was silenced. "You chose your path a long time ago. Despite my nudging, despite our friendship and despite that potential I see in you, you have stayed with that choice for the sake of your ideals. As much as I would love to call you ‘brother’, I respect your decision and will do no more to convince you. That being said, by choosing this path, you accept the trials that go with it. Twice now, you have allowed yourself to be manipulated- first by Sagari and most recently, by those objects. I have helped you as best I can, but there will always be someone or something there to take advantage of your ideals or your sorrow.”

I blinked. She sounded slightly desperate, it was barely there, but I could just make out a hint of it. Maybe I was imagining it. Wolf was a lot of things but desperate was never one of them. She glanced down at her hands,

"Look....I will not always be here to save you Hero.....I need to know that you can bear the trials of your path alone, that you can take care of yourself. I need you to promise me that you will not forget what you have learned from this.”

I stared at her for minutes, an uncomfortable silence settled in. Finally I sighed, 

"Fine, I promise" The way she was speaking scared me in all honesty, as if it would be the last time I would see her. She had always helped me, and the thought of her....dying made me cringe. I went to give her a one armed hug with my good arm, and to thank her for everything she had done right before a tomahawk landed right in between us. I paled as I looked at the window behind us.

"The fuck do you think you're doing Roy Boy?!" Fell was standing in the window arm still extended from her throw, I jumped to my feet and decided that explaining myself would only make things worse so I did the only thing that came to mind, I ran, hearing Wolf chuckle as Fell gave chase, a string of obscenities flowing from her mouth.

My grip on the mask tightened. Hero. It's what she called me. Once I had even asked her why that was. She told me that it was because despite the evils of the world that I had experienced, I still tried to rise above it, still tried to see the good in everyone.

Wolf's words had always stuck with me, she was part of the reason that I am who I am today. I only recently figured out just why it is she's had such an influence on me. I'm not going to say why, since at this point it doesn't even matter. As I stared down at the mask I realized that it was time I started acting like the Hero she thought I was. I finally made my decision.

Hopefully this won't get me killed but in case it does.....

Fell, I feel like I owe you an apology. You were right...about everything you said, and I lashed out at you so.....sorry.

Nostalgia sucks

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I was not in my motel room, either that or what had already been an uncomfortable bed was even more so now. That and it crunched when I rolled over. With the sound of crunching leaves I bolted upright, which caused me to fall into a coughing fit. I brought my hand up and covered my mouth as I coughed violently. I breathed heavily as I brought my hand away from my face, grimacing when I noticed the crimson liquid that now stained my hand. That couldn't be good.

I glanced around and all I could see were trees. I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the moonlit forest around me. I groaned, and yelled into the forest, "You cliche faceless bastard! Would it kill you to be a little original?!" I of course got no reply. Which now that I think back to it, was probably a good thing. But this wasn't the first time this had happened. Trying to remember how I got here was an exercise in futility. All I could remember was lying down in the motel room, hopes of getting just one night of shut eye and then waking up here.

I sighed as I stood to my feet, and dusted myself off. I had seen a forest when driving into town the other day, but that didn't mean a thing. I could be anywhere. I took out my phone and stared at the black screen. Of course it was dead. I pocketed the phone and began to walk in a random direction. All I passed was trees, no animals, or homicidal faceless business men. The quiet of the forest slowly calmed me down. I slowed down and sighed deeply.

It felt like hours before I found anything. It was a house. My eyes widened though as I stared at the house before me. It was medium sized with a porch, a small porch swing rocked slightly, despite the lack of wind in the clearing. The house was plain looking, but extremely familiar. Why wouldn't it be though? It was my house. I made my way up to it, frowning, as memories flooded my mind. Any good childhood were utterly crushed by the bad ones.

I stopped just outside the door. My hand landed on the handle and a shiver shot down my spine. Warning bells going off in my head. The feeling was of course familiar. It only when HE was around. I glanced over my shoulder to see the still empty clearing. So there was only one place where HE could be? Right? The feeling of apprehension vanished at that moment, replaced with rage. Feeling as though, liquid fire flooded my veins. I flung the door open, being greeted by the empty living room, looking just as I remembered it. Though, considerably more dusty.

So I stormed past into the hallway. The feeling of nostalgia as I looked down the moonlit hallway caused me to pause. It actually feel nauseated. I shook the feeling off and moved down the hall quickly. I stopped outside of the bedroom that had my parents. I knew where he was. I opened the door and stepped inside, the room dimly lit by the windows. He stood before me. In the center of the room, at the foot of the bed, the sheets made, the room untouched. His tentacles were absent, leading me to believe that he was not angry. His attention was on me, he stared at me. Yes, the faceless creature stared at me. His head was tilted as if curious to what my reaction would be.

My anger was no more as I stared at him. The fear had returned. I had stomped into the room, furious with him to.....what had I actually expected to do?! 

He turned his head and stared at the closet in the corner of the room.

Why had I thrown all logic out the window?!

He continued to stare at the closet.

I was smarter than this. I was supposed to be smarter than this!

My gaze moved to the closet. "You....you want me to open it?" I got no answer, of course. He just continued to stare in the direction of the closet, his arms at his sides, bent awkwardly as usual. My gaze moved slowly to the open door behind me but any hope of leaving was dashed when a tentacle slammed into it, shutting off my exit. I looked back to see the black tendril extended from his back, his head moved back in my direction. So I didn't have a choice in the matter. Staring at the blank visage that was his "face", I knew that I didn't.

With a resigned sigh I made my way across the room to the closet. I had never been in this closet before. It had always been locked, the lock had been heart shaped. I almost chuckled at the memory. One of my brothers had tried to get in the closet one day, only to be stopped by my mother. The next day my dad came home with the lock and my mother had said it represented their love. In different words of course, but it had been something cheesy. My parents had always been that way, all cheesy and they barely ever argued. Even when they did....hehe it was always about small things. I shook my head and focused on the present. It wouldn't do to get lost in my memories with faceless in the room.

My gaze turned to the door to see that the lock was gone. I opened the door and coughed as a small breeze exited the door, disturbing the dust. What was within the closet though, didn't seem to be anything special. Just a few photo albums, ones that I would come back to look at later. But the last thing to catch my attention made me pale, and my eyes widen in horror.

It was a mask. A plain white mask, black paint lining the edges of the eye holes. A smirk was painted on the mask, and on the forehead was an operator's symbol. I tried to prevent myself from panicking. What could this mean? The only conclusion I could come to was that one or both of my parents had been a proxy. But that didn't make any sense. The Slenderman had killed both.....he had killed them both. Had they not adhered to some order? Failed some mission?

I shook my head, such thoughts were useless at the moment. I grasped the mask tightly in my hands, before glancing at my parent's murderer, his faceless visage observing me, head cocked to the side. He almost seemed curious as to what I would do with this new information. It became all clear to me what he wanted me to do. What he had wanted this entire time.

He wanted me to follow in my parents footsteps. I looked down at the mask in my hands. With an increasing amount of horror, I realized that I was actually considering it. After all he had done to me, could I really serve such a monster. He had killed the love of my life, and my brothers. He had killed my parents. Even recently, he had been the indirect cause for the death of one of the only few people I could call a friend. I set the mask in my book bag carefully as not to break it. I finally turned to face him.

I stared at Slenderman for a long moment. Finally I let out a resigned sigh, "I'll think about it." Even I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. These words seemed to please him because at that moment he finally vanished.

I've been at the house ever since. I cleaned it up, because it needed it and I needed a distraction. I haven't seen any of Slendy since but I've felt him. I know he has been around. Waiting for an answer. I can't help but wonder if he's actually giving me a choice in the matter. If I tell him no will he simply hollow me? Or even just outright kill me?

I have a lot to think about. So I'll cut this here. Until next post, if there is one.

Fuck

This is getting ridiculous. The rate at which I've been encountering proxies is growing, and fast. Before it had been one proxy a week, two if I was just unlucky. But it's gotten to the point, where I'm encountering four, sometimes five every week. God damn masks...in the crowds everyday. But what doesn't make any sense is that they don't seem to draw any attention from the people around them. It's like they're not even there. Always watching me, even when I don't see any, I know that they're watching me from somewhere, somehow. 

Sleep has been impossible as of late because of this. I haven't slept in nearly a week. The constant paranoia combined with the sleep deprivation is driving me insane. When the proxy aren't around, he is. The Faceless fucker....in the corner of my vision are just in broad daylight. I know that I'm the only one that sees him, because no one else even glances his way. But the most confusing part of all of this? Is the fact that he hasn't made a move. He hasn't attempted to harm me, nor have the proxy. Why? What does he want?

I've been on the move so much lately that I haven't found time to post, or check the other blogs. Until today, that is. So I was shocked to find that Wolf is dead. No, shock is not the right word. Somehow I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Sometimes I think that proxies have a higher death rate than us runners. All I felt was sorrow and then anger...and then simply emptiness. At having one of my closest friends ripped away from me once again by the faceless bastard. Someone who helped me so much since all of this has started. 

I'll miss Wolf, but life goes on, there is not time for me to mourn.

I'll post again as soon as I can.

and yet I smile

"Isn't it nice?" 

I walked along the stone stairs, and I could't stop remembering.

"Isn't what nice?"

I promised that I was done crying. Then again, I suck at keeping promises.

"Just this. Sometimes I wish that we could stay like this forever."

I lowered my head as I continued, even though no one was there to see the tears streak down my face. It didn't feel like that long ago. Though, I guess it hadn't been.

"Why can't we then? I plan to stay by your side for the rest of my life."

Between the two of us she had always been more realistic. What can I say? I'm a romantic. Always have been more hopeful than necessary. Hell, a small part of me refuses to believe I'm going to die. A very small part.

"Things change Roy, you know that. I'll be gone one day and you'll have to accept that. All of us will die sooner or later."

This had been after she had met Sagari. She must have known. Izzy had to have known.

"Yeah? Then I choose later."

I've always been so naive. We don't choose when we die. When death comes, we have to accept it. Each of us have a path, each of us our own story. As with any path or story, there will always be an end. As I stood there, my time was ticking away. As I type this, it ticks away. A little morbid? Yes. True? Yes.

Valentine's day brings loneliness. Honestly Valentine's day hasn't sucked this much for a long time. I was in Toronto visiting Izzy's grave until last night. It may have not been the best idea, it left me depressed. I miss my family, my friends, I miss Izzy, hell I even miss Quinn.

I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm going to do, and how long I'll last from this point. At least I could leave Alice with good people. I wouldn't drag her down with me. Skye is still a child, but he's a good kid. I know he'll take good care of her.

I'm only twenty years old, is it possible to be too old for this shit?

All I know is that I'm tired, so tired........

Just keep walking

I sat in my hotel. It was times like these that I despised. With nothing to do, my mind was free to wander, to darker places. Alice was still at Tori's, offering to let her stay for dinner, the same offer was extended to me but I turned it down. I wouldn't risk it, no matter how tempting it had been. I glared over at the corner of the room. Faceless, as he always was as of late, was just standing there "staring" at me, his head tilted. His tentacles were absent, much to my relief. 

I had almost grown used to his presence, much to my horror. Him being there doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Hell, sometimes I even amuse myself by trying to hold a conversation with him. 

"Your suit is nice, where'd you get it?"

"......."

"Yeah, I agree, finding big and tall stores are hard these days."

"......."

"You're no fun."

It was the same everyday, he would show up and "stare" at me for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and then leave for an hour or two. I honestly had no clue why, either. He didn't seem angry, he didn't seem to have any purpose in what he did, other than maybe to intimidate me. But didn't he have his proxies for that? Why show up himself? 

Alice for some reason, doesn't seem to notice him, no one else either. Had Skye not saw him the other day I would have thought I was going mad. Not that it matters. I have no delusions at this point. I realize my time is coming to an end. So where is the fear, then? Where is the anger? The thoughts of just how "unfair" this all was. Why me? Where was all of that? No, I only felt empty.

At the end of my path, the realization strikes me that I've done nothing. Nothing whatsoever. At the end of my path, all I have left is regret. Regret for more reason than one.

Intermission

I walk in the night and let my feet take me where they will. I find myself in front of an old looking building, cracks on the wall and broken windows, windows with bars. I look at the large building and stare at the entrance.

I sigh before opening the door and steeling myself for what comes next. I look around the small waiting room, lit brightly and surprisingly clean. Behind a receptionist's desk is a young woman staring at a magazine. She doesn't look up at me as I close the door behind me quietly.

I walk up to her and she glances up at me, her eyes widening slightly as if surprised by my arrival. In a bored tone she asks "Can I help you?"

I take a deep breath and then open my eyes. "Yes, I'm here to see the hol-"

A bump in the road and my eyes snap open, and I look around the back of the van that our group is situated in. First I look to my right to see Rose, her head on my shoulder and her breathing even. A small smile makes its way on to my face. 'She looks so peaceful, you wouldn't even know we just almost died.'

I look across from me at one of the other woman in the veichle. Her unruly black hair cascades down her heart shaped face, her skin deathly pale. Her black lips are curved downward into a frown and I can only wonder about the nightmares she must be having. Two small arms are wrapped around her, the same pale shade of skin color.

Looking to the woman's left I see the owner of the arms. A young girl, no older than eight, bright blond hair falling down and reaching the middle of her back. She holds on to the older woman tightly as she sleeps. I was surprised that Alice could even sleep.

My vision begins to blur as I fall back asleep.

"-the end please."

She looks at me with what I could only describe as child like fear. She stands and leads me down the hallway to the right and stopping in front of a door. Without a word she turns and leaves.

I open the door and begin to hear someone talking to themself. In a language that I couldn't understand. Fast forward a few seconds and I'm at the end of the hall. I walk into a windowless room, a single man sitting against a wall and cradling something while muttering to himself.

Knowing what I have to do I take another deep breath and ask "What happ-" My lip move but I can't hear what it is I speak. My hearing back."-come together?"

The man stops muttering and looks up into my eyes. The look in his eyes nearly makes me scream. He opens his eyes and begins to to answer. I'm back at the entrance of the hallway. I hear the mans raspy voice echo throughout the hall. "They must never come together, Never."

"Roy!"

My eyes open once again to be blinded by sunlight and see everyone in the van awake. The woman already outside and Alice following closely behind. I look to my right to see Rose looking at me with concern.

"Roy....are you okay?" I look away when she asks me.

"I'm fine." My simple response.

She doesn't seem convinced. "Are you lying to me?"

I ignore the question, not wanting to talk about my dream. "Why are we stopping?"

Rose stares at me for a few moments, probably trying to decide whether or not to ask again. She sighs. "Blaire said were eating breakfast at a Cracker Barrel she spotted. Jane didn't seem to mind, and neither did Alice." Ah, Blaire is our driver.

"Cracker Barrel?"

Rose nods. "Cracker Barrel."

I grin "Alrighty then."

First couple of days.

Alright, so first of all. Um.....I'm not dead. I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this......

A lot has happened in the past month. So much that I'm going to have to split it into parts. 

..................................................................................................................................................

So in my last post I talked about leaving Texas and moving in with a friend. This person I moved in with is my girlfriend, Rose. Surprisingly enough I made it to her house, safe and sound. With no trouble at all. I half expected Slender to appear on the plane and cause it to explode or at least meet me at the airport. I expected him to do SOMETHING. I'm just not used to things being so quiet....so peaceful. In all honesty it unnerved me quite a bit.

From the airport I caught a cab and I watched the houses go by as we drove to her house. Still no sign of Slendy, no Cold Boy, no Smiley. None of the fears appearing in the corners of my eyes as they tended to. I was growing more nervous by the minute. Alice didn't seem to notice as she bounced excitedly in her seat. She was very happy that we had finally left the hospital, and at the prospect of a new home. 

When we arrived at Rose's house, I couldn't help but smile. As nervous as I was, I was pretty excited at a new home as well. Rose greeted us at the door and she helped me with my bags. I had a little trouble moving at the time. I still hadn't adjusted to the crutches. 

After I had made my way inside, Rose told me that she had set my bags in the guest room. She then gave me a quick tour of the house. I almost cried when I saw the kitchen. Little known fact for all of you! I can actually cook, and I'm pretty good at it. So imagine my joy when she showed me a fully equipped kitchen with a fully stocked pantry and fridge. It would be nice to cook something after months of eating instant cup ramen. Rose also seemed pretty happy when she learned that I could cook. 

I remember laying down in the bed that night. Staring at the ceiling. 

Still no sign of the trouble....maybe....things are finally getting better.....

I was right, things would be better and remain peaceful.

For the first few days.

Goodbye Texas

After almost three weeks of being stuck in a hospital bed I have finally been released. They set me up with a crutch and I hopped around after not moving for a VERY long time. It feels strange. So I'll be leaving Texas today by plane. I won't say where exactly, just that I'm heading to stay with a friend who was gracious enough to take me in and let me stay with them for a little while.

I guess with nothing else to say:

For your viewing pleasure.

So....

Okay I've been putting this off long enough. Right now I'm staying in a hospital....in a location that I will keep to myself, for Alice's and my own safety.

I had been talking to people on skype when Nick arrived. The only warning I got was the soft click of him pulling back the hammer. I quickly rolled to the side as the gunshot went off, I wasn't ready for the small explosion when the bullet impacted the building. I looked at the small crater where I had once been. The next gunshot snapped me back to attention and I rolled to my feet running towards the edge of the building and jumped as another explosion went off. I landed on the next roof and reached for a throwing knife. I cursed when I realized that I had left my weapons in my backpack. All I could do was run as shot after shot was fired. Jumping from building to building I realized my only hope was to get back to my backpack. Looking at the roof tops I quickly calculated a route back to my original roof.

More and more explosions rang out around me. As I made the final leap back to the roof top with my weapons, he hit me. I can't describe the pain as the bullet entered and then exploded in my leg. I fell to the roof landing on my back, holding the bloody stump that was my left leg and screaming. I saw Nick getting closer, I started to slowly crawl towards my backpack and dug through it. I heard a click behind me and froze. "It's over Roy." I heard from behind me.

I had a pained grin on my face as I grasped the explosive in my hand, hidden from Nick's view. I actually forgot I had these. These were one of the weapons that had got me kicked out of a variety of colleges and almost got me put in jail. There small explosives that explode on contact. I picked them up awhile back and there not exactly legal. "Yea Nick, I guess it is" was my simple reply. I quickly turned throwing the small explosive at Nick before he had the chance to fire. I savored the look of shock on his face as Nick was blown off the building, falling a good three stories.

I looked at what was left of my left leg. Everything below my knee had been blown off. I looked away and began taking deep breaths trying not to go into shock. Luckily Alice had been talking to Ashley the entire time and by the time I had blown Nick off the roof she was there, staff in hand. She seemed disappointed when she realized she missed the fight. But she quickly got to work and was able to close my wound by cauterizing it. Which was quite...unpleasant.

Even with the bleeding stopped I still had the risk of infection. With this in mind Ashley decided she would take me to a hospital. We took the path back to the united States, fortunately we didn't encounter anything while on the path. So now I'm typing this from a hospital and Alice is giving me a curious look with what she calls her "scary eyes". There not the same green they were a couple days back. Now there the pure black that they are naturally. She of course changes them back to green whenever a nurse walks in but....

Speaking of Alice after further research and some coaxing from Alice I finally learned what she was....At first it shocked me, but after a lot of consideration I've decided to continue taking care of her.

So yea, what a wonderful week. Never found Abigail, pretty much adopted a little girl, and lost my left leg. At least it can't get much worse, right?

Stalling

So with some of things that happened recently, I really needed a laugh and though I have some things that I should really be talking about things that are much more important.... But I figured you all could use a laugh to so here. Just don't want to talk about it......so maybe later.

If you want to experience hell on earth come to Brazil

Wolf dropped me off in Brazil about a week back. It was fun getting to know her and I miss them already........even Fell.

She dropped me off here:

in the slums of Rio de Janeiro. 

I've been looking for a contact by the name of Abigail. She lives somewhere here, that I know. She's a woman I've been buying weapons for awhile from. She sells me pretty high quality stuff for a lower price than most other weapon vendors. I've never actually met her just talked to her over the phone to place orders. Usually Nick would make the run down here to grab my orders but........yea. I've taken to sleeping on roof tops. The buildings are pretty close together so if worse comes to worse I can always take up free running.

So when I got here I found a flaw in my plan to locate her. I was asking around when I realized I don't speak Portuguese....So that was flaw #1. After I came to this realization I tried to call her phone. Only to find out her phone had been disconnected. That's not all that's happened this week either. Things only got worse.

For some reason Brazil seems to have turned into Fear central. Lets take role call shall we?

Me: Slender?

Slender: *raises a tentacle* here

Me: *choosing to ignore the fact that he doesn't have a mouth to speak with, continues* Darkness?

Darkness: *looks up with a grin* here....

Me:*shivers from the terrifying sight* uh Smiley?

Smiley: *Smiles wider* here

Me: *notices straitjacket but chooses to ignore* uh, empty city?

Empty City: *remains silent*

Me: *not even stopping to wonder how a city was in his classroom* ........Unnamed Child?

Unnamed Child: *simply stares with that creepy ass stare of hers*

Me: *doesn't even care at this point* Cold Boy? *notices lack of creepy nursery rhymes, looks around classroom* Cold Boy? huh must be absent. Okay.....Seemore Butts? *all the fears snicker* Hey guys that's not funny! *turns to chalkboard* Okay class today we will be learning *begins writing on board*......

Okay I think you guys get the point. So yea I've been seeing all of them around these slums all week. Well except Cold Boy. Most of them have just followed and kept there distance. Which is good because I still haven't fully recovered from injuries that Sagari inflicted upon me. Well at least most of them have kept there distance.

Darkness has attacked me twice now. I have blue hand prints on my neck from the first attack and she knocked me off of a fucking building the second time. I have no clue why she hates me so much.

It didn't end there though. It was yesterday when I came across a small girl. She was sitting on a bench alone at night. It was late so I went over to her, I mean maybe she had got lost. I walked over to her and I asked her as sweet as I could where her parents were, she responded with "I don't remember.....". This confused me. She looked up at me when she said this and I took the oppurtunity to take a better look at her. She had green eyes that were slightly glossy. She also had bright blond hair and extremely pale skin. Deathly pale, all the color seemingly drained from her skin. She looked around 6 or 7. I crouched down smiling as pleasantly as possible.

"What's your name sweety?" I asked.

"Alice" she mumbled.

"Okay Alice I'm going to go see if I can find your parents. Stay here ill be right back." I got up to leave until she grabbed my hand. A cold chill ran up my spine. She was ice cold.

"Don't go....." She said quietly. She looked so lonely at that point. I sighed, keeping her hand in mine. She stood to her feet.

"C'mon then sweety let's see if we can't find your parents." From there we looked for her parent for about an hour before I noticed how tired Alice looked. I decided there was no harm taking her with me for the night we'd find her parents tomorrow. When we got back to the she laid down using my jacket as a blanket and one of my extra shirts as a pillow. I did a standard medical exam just the vitals as she slept. I found something.....strange. I rechecked a few times to be sure. The girl doesn't have a pulse. She's technically dead.... It doesn't make sense. I feel like I've read about this somewhere. But I can't remember where.

Anyone have any ideas?

A new beginning

It feels like it's been a really long time since I was thrown into this mess. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. I've lost friends.....and in turn I have also gained some friends. Psychotic ones(Wolf I'm looking at you), smart ones(you know who you are), ones who are nuts(glaring doesn't suit you princess), ones who have talking swords(I didn't know what to say) and ones who love skittles(do I have to name you?).

I decided that my other blog was beginning to become cluttered and it was full of.......bad memories. So I decided it was time to wipe the slate clean. 

So that's it for now. ROY OUT!