Fuck

This is getting ridiculous. The rate at which I've been encountering proxies is growing, and fast. Before it had been one proxy a week, two if I was just unlucky. But it's gotten to the point, where I'm encountering four, sometimes five every week. God damn masks...in the crowds everyday. But what doesn't make any sense is that they don't seem to draw any attention from the people around them. It's like they're not even there. Always watching me, even when I don't see any, I know that they're watching me from somewhere, somehow. 

Sleep has been impossible as of late because of this. I haven't slept in nearly a week. The constant paranoia combined with the sleep deprivation is driving me insane. When the proxy aren't around, he is. The Faceless fucker....in the corner of my vision are just in broad daylight. I know that I'm the only one that sees him, because no one else even glances his way. But the most confusing part of all of this? Is the fact that he hasn't made a move. He hasn't attempted to harm me, nor have the proxy. Why? What does he want?

I've been on the move so much lately that I haven't found time to post, or check the other blogs. Until today, that is. So I was shocked to find that Wolf is dead. No, shock is not the right word. Somehow I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Sometimes I think that proxies have a higher death rate than us runners. All I felt was sorrow and then anger...and then simply emptiness. At having one of my closest friends ripped away from me once again by the faceless bastard. Someone who helped me so much since all of this has started. 

I'll miss Wolf, but life goes on, there is not time for me to mourn.

I'll post again as soon as I can.

and yet I smile

"Isn't it nice?" 

I walked along the stone stairs, and I could't stop remembering.

"Isn't what nice?"

I promised that I was done crying. Then again, I suck at keeping promises.

"Just this. Sometimes I wish that we could stay like this forever."

I lowered my head as I continued, even though no one was there to see the tears streak down my face. It didn't feel like that long ago. Though, I guess it hadn't been.

"Why can't we then? I plan to stay by your side for the rest of my life."

Between the two of us she had always been more realistic. What can I say? I'm a romantic. Always have been more hopeful than necessary. Hell, a small part of me refuses to believe I'm going to die. A very small part.

"Things change Roy, you know that. I'll be gone one day and you'll have to accept that. All of us will die sooner or later."

This had been after she had met Sagari. She must have known. Izzy had to have known.

"Yeah? Then I choose later."

I've always been so naive. We don't choose when we die. When death comes, we have to accept it. Each of us have a path, each of us our own story. As with any path or story, there will always be an end. As I stood there, my time was ticking away. As I type this, it ticks away. A little morbid? Yes. True? Yes.

Valentine's day brings loneliness. Honestly Valentine's day hasn't sucked this much for a long time. I was in Toronto visiting Izzy's grave until last night. It may have not been the best idea, it left me depressed. I miss my family, my friends, I miss Izzy, hell I even miss Quinn.

I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm going to do, and how long I'll last from this point. At least I could leave Alice with good people. I wouldn't drag her down with me. Skye is still a child, but he's a good kid. I know he'll take good care of her.

I'm only twenty years old, is it possible to be too old for this shit?

All I know is that I'm tired, so tired........

Just keep walking

I sat in my hotel. It was times like these that I despised. With nothing to do, my mind was free to wander, to darker places. Alice was still at Tori's, offering to let her stay for dinner, the same offer was extended to me but I turned it down. I wouldn't risk it, no matter how tempting it had been. I glared over at the corner of the room. Faceless, as he always was as of late, was just standing there "staring" at me, his head tilted. His tentacles were absent, much to my relief. 

I had almost grown used to his presence, much to my horror. Him being there doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Hell, sometimes I even amuse myself by trying to hold a conversation with him. 

"Your suit is nice, where'd you get it?"

"......."

"Yeah, I agree, finding big and tall stores are hard these days."

"......."

"You're no fun."

It was the same everyday, he would show up and "stare" at me for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and then leave for an hour or two. I honestly had no clue why, either. He didn't seem angry, he didn't seem to have any purpose in what he did, other than maybe to intimidate me. But didn't he have his proxies for that? Why show up himself? 

Alice for some reason, doesn't seem to notice him, no one else either. Had Skye not saw him the other day I would have thought I was going mad. Not that it matters. I have no delusions at this point. I realize my time is coming to an end. So where is the fear, then? Where is the anger? The thoughts of just how "unfair" this all was. Why me? Where was all of that? No, I only felt empty.

At the end of my path, the realization strikes me that I've done nothing. Nothing whatsoever. At the end of my path, all I have left is regret. Regret for more reason than one.

Intermission

I walk in the night and let my feet take me where they will. I find myself in front of an old looking building, cracks on the wall and broken windows, windows with bars. I look at the large building and stare at the entrance.

I sigh before opening the door and steeling myself for what comes next. I look around the small waiting room, lit brightly and surprisingly clean. Behind a receptionist's desk is a young woman staring at a magazine. She doesn't look up at me as I close the door behind me quietly.

I walk up to her and she glances up at me, her eyes widening slightly as if surprised by my arrival. In a bored tone she asks "Can I help you?"

I take a deep breath and then open my eyes. "Yes, I'm here to see the hol-"

A bump in the road and my eyes snap open, and I look around the back of the van that our group is situated in. First I look to my right to see Rose, her head on my shoulder and her breathing even. A small smile makes its way on to my face. 'She looks so peaceful, you wouldn't even know we just almost died.'

I look across from me at one of the other woman in the veichle. Her unruly black hair cascades down her heart shaped face, her skin deathly pale. Her black lips are curved downward into a frown and I can only wonder about the nightmares she must be having. Two small arms are wrapped around her, the same pale shade of skin color.

Looking to the woman's left I see the owner of the arms. A young girl, no older than eight, bright blond hair falling down and reaching the middle of her back. She holds on to the older woman tightly as she sleeps. I was surprised that Alice could even sleep.

My vision begins to blur as I fall back asleep.

"-the end please."

She looks at me with what I could only describe as child like fear. She stands and leads me down the hallway to the right and stopping in front of a door. Without a word she turns and leaves.

I open the door and begin to hear someone talking to themself. In a language that I couldn't understand. Fast forward a few seconds and I'm at the end of the hall. I walk into a windowless room, a single man sitting against a wall and cradling something while muttering to himself.

Knowing what I have to do I take another deep breath and ask "What happ-" My lip move but I can't hear what it is I speak. My hearing back."-come together?"

The man stops muttering and looks up into my eyes. The look in his eyes nearly makes me scream. He opens his eyes and begins to to answer. I'm back at the entrance of the hallway. I hear the mans raspy voice echo throughout the hall. "They must never come together, Never."

"Roy!"

My eyes open once again to be blinded by sunlight and see everyone in the van awake. The woman already outside and Alice following closely behind. I look to my right to see Rose looking at me with concern.

"Roy....are you okay?" I look away when she asks me.

"I'm fine." My simple response.

She doesn't seem convinced. "Are you lying to me?"

I ignore the question, not wanting to talk about my dream. "Why are we stopping?"

Rose stares at me for a few moments, probably trying to decide whether or not to ask again. She sighs. "Blaire said were eating breakfast at a Cracker Barrel she spotted. Jane didn't seem to mind, and neither did Alice." Ah, Blaire is our driver.

"Cracker Barrel?"

Rose nods. "Cracker Barrel."

I grin "Alrighty then."

First couple of days.

Alright, so first of all. Um.....I'm not dead. I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this......

A lot has happened in the past month. So much that I'm going to have to split it into parts. 

..................................................................................................................................................

So in my last post I talked about leaving Texas and moving in with a friend. This person I moved in with is my girlfriend, Rose. Surprisingly enough I made it to her house, safe and sound. With no trouble at all. I half expected Slender to appear on the plane and cause it to explode or at least meet me at the airport. I expected him to do SOMETHING. I'm just not used to things being so quiet....so peaceful. In all honesty it unnerved me quite a bit.

From the airport I caught a cab and I watched the houses go by as we drove to her house. Still no sign of Slendy, no Cold Boy, no Smiley. None of the fears appearing in the corners of my eyes as they tended to. I was growing more nervous by the minute. Alice didn't seem to notice as she bounced excitedly in her seat. She was very happy that we had finally left the hospital, and at the prospect of a new home. 

When we arrived at Rose's house, I couldn't help but smile. As nervous as I was, I was pretty excited at a new home as well. Rose greeted us at the door and she helped me with my bags. I had a little trouble moving at the time. I still hadn't adjusted to the crutches. 

After I had made my way inside, Rose told me that she had set my bags in the guest room. She then gave me a quick tour of the house. I almost cried when I saw the kitchen. Little known fact for all of you! I can actually cook, and I'm pretty good at it. So imagine my joy when she showed me a fully equipped kitchen with a fully stocked pantry and fridge. It would be nice to cook something after months of eating instant cup ramen. Rose also seemed pretty happy when she learned that I could cook. 

I remember laying down in the bed that night. Staring at the ceiling. 

Still no sign of the trouble....maybe....things are finally getting better.....

I was right, things would be better and remain peaceful.

For the first few days.

Goodbye Texas

After almost three weeks of being stuck in a hospital bed I have finally been released. They set me up with a crutch and I hopped around after not moving for a VERY long time. It feels strange. So I'll be leaving Texas today by plane. I won't say where exactly, just that I'm heading to stay with a friend who was gracious enough to take me in and let me stay with them for a little while.

I guess with nothing else to say:

For your viewing pleasure.

So....

Okay I've been putting this off long enough. Right now I'm staying in a hospital....in a location that I will keep to myself, for Alice's and my own safety.

I had been talking to people on skype when Nick arrived. The only warning I got was the soft click of him pulling back the hammer. I quickly rolled to the side as the gunshot went off, I wasn't ready for the small explosion when the bullet impacted the building. I looked at the small crater where I had once been. The next gunshot snapped me back to attention and I rolled to my feet running towards the edge of the building and jumped as another explosion went off. I landed on the next roof and reached for a throwing knife. I cursed when I realized that I had left my weapons in my backpack. All I could do was run as shot after shot was fired. Jumping from building to building I realized my only hope was to get back to my backpack. Looking at the roof tops I quickly calculated a route back to my original roof.

More and more explosions rang out around me. As I made the final leap back to the roof top with my weapons, he hit me. I can't describe the pain as the bullet entered and then exploded in my leg. I fell to the roof landing on my back, holding the bloody stump that was my left leg and screaming. I saw Nick getting closer, I started to slowly crawl towards my backpack and dug through it. I heard a click behind me and froze. "It's over Roy." I heard from behind me.

I had a pained grin on my face as I grasped the explosive in my hand, hidden from Nick's view. I actually forgot I had these. These were one of the weapons that had got me kicked out of a variety of colleges and almost got me put in jail. There small explosives that explode on contact. I picked them up awhile back and there not exactly legal. "Yea Nick, I guess it is" was my simple reply. I quickly turned throwing the small explosive at Nick before he had the chance to fire. I savored the look of shock on his face as Nick was blown off the building, falling a good three stories.

I looked at what was left of my left leg. Everything below my knee had been blown off. I looked away and began taking deep breaths trying not to go into shock. Luckily Alice had been talking to Ashley the entire time and by the time I had blown Nick off the roof she was there, staff in hand. She seemed disappointed when she realized she missed the fight. But she quickly got to work and was able to close my wound by cauterizing it. Which was quite...unpleasant.

Even with the bleeding stopped I still had the risk of infection. With this in mind Ashley decided she would take me to a hospital. We took the path back to the united States, fortunately we didn't encounter anything while on the path. So now I'm typing this from a hospital and Alice is giving me a curious look with what she calls her "scary eyes". There not the same green they were a couple days back. Now there the pure black that they are naturally. She of course changes them back to green whenever a nurse walks in but....

Speaking of Alice after further research and some coaxing from Alice I finally learned what she was....At first it shocked me, but after a lot of consideration I've decided to continue taking care of her.

So yea, what a wonderful week. Never found Abigail, pretty much adopted a little girl, and lost my left leg. At least it can't get much worse, right?