Reflection: Wolf

I've started to lose track of time. Minutes blur into hours, hours into days, days into weeks. He visits me often. I can't help but think that his visits are starting to make me lose what sense I have left. It's funny, the worst feeling is that of loneliness. Fucking loneliness.......you would think with the faceless monster around, that loneliness would least of my worries. But since I've been alone, I've had little to do but think. To reflect on the last couple of years. Everything that I've done right, a list that is admittedly short. Everything that I've done wrong, a list that is....admittedly long.

I've been left alone with my thoughts. My dark thoughts. Today though, I felt a rare moment of clarity. It came to me as I was cleaning out my book bag, so that I could check my supplies. It was busy work of course. Which is all I've been doing lately.

Make yourself useful to avoid useless thoughts.

I found a mask in my bag. One that I had all but forgotten about. Plain white in color. A black line forming a smirk as a mouth and nothing else other than the eye holes. It was not the mask I had found in the closet. No, it was a gift from a friend. Wolf had given me a mask as a going away present when I had visited for the last time. Memories flooded my mind.

"Ha! Another win for me." I grinned at the fuming man next to me. He threw his controller down and glared at me, though I could tell he wasn't actually angry at me.

"I call hacks!"

I stared blankly at him and then gestured at the super Nintendo.

"Really?"

"Whatever dude, you cheat." A small grin formed on Hart's face, one that I couldn't help but return. I was relaxed, more so than I had been for a long time. With the group's help, and the mental exercises Wolf made me do, I had broken the influence that the Objects had on me. Since then, aside from the training drills that Wolf put me through (she claimed she was taking it easy on me because of my wrist), I had merely been relaxing at the cabin. Whether that meant whooping Hart's ass at video games or Fell kicking my ass when we would get bored and spar. Wolf had even tried to teach me how to knit once I healed a bit.....didn't work out.

"Another round?"

Hart opened his mouth to respond before being cut off.

"Hero?" I looked back to see Wolf, while repressing my irritation at the nickname. I had accepted it at this point, despite the fact that I didn't think I was any hero. "Can I speak to you for a moment?" I exchanged a glance with Hart who just shrugged. I stood to my feet with a sigh and followed Wolf outside where she merely sat down and patted the ground next to her.

I raised an eyebrow, the grin on my face vanishing. I sat down next to her and stared out at the trees. No matter how long I spent there, the feeling of uneasiness never went away. It had lessened over time, but it never went away. Not like I expected it to, after all it was HIM who had made this place. We sat in silence for a few moments before she finally spoke up.

"You can't stay here much longer, Hero. We can't keep expecting Ritter to ignore your presence here." I frowned. I had been afraid that this was what she wanted to talk about. I didn't feel ready, but I knew she was right. I had overstayed my welcome here as it was.

"Today then?" I asked

I heard her audibly sigh.

"Yes… Will you be alright?"

I chuckled and put a large smile on my face. "You know me Wolf. I can't keep myself out of trouble. Murphy's law hates me that way I guess." I attempted to make light of the situation.

Wolf didn’t laugh.

"That is exactly what troubles me now, Hero." She was looking at me, but I would not meet her gaze.

I glanced at her before looking away, "Wolf I-"

"Roy." I was silenced. "You chose your path a long time ago. Despite my nudging, despite our friendship and despite that potential I see in you, you have stayed with that choice for the sake of your ideals. As much as I would love to call you ‘brother’, I respect your decision and will do no more to convince you. That being said, by choosing this path, you accept the trials that go with it. Twice now, you have allowed yourself to be manipulated- first by Sagari and most recently, by those objects. I have helped you as best I can, but there will always be someone or something there to take advantage of your ideals or your sorrow.”

I blinked. She sounded slightly desperate, it was barely there, but I could just make out a hint of it. Maybe I was imagining it. Wolf was a lot of things but desperate was never one of them. She glanced down at her hands,

"Look....I will not always be here to save you Hero.....I need to know that you can bear the trials of your path alone, that you can take care of yourself. I need you to promise me that you will not forget what you have learned from this.”

I stared at her for minutes, an uncomfortable silence settled in. Finally I sighed, 

"Fine, I promise" The way she was speaking scared me in all honesty, as if it would be the last time I would see her. She had always helped me, and the thought of her....dying made me cringe. I went to give her a one armed hug with my good arm, and to thank her for everything she had done right before a tomahawk landed right in between us. I paled as I looked at the window behind us.

"The fuck do you think you're doing Roy Boy?!" Fell was standing in the window arm still extended from her throw, I jumped to my feet and decided that explaining myself would only make things worse so I did the only thing that came to mind, I ran, hearing Wolf chuckle as Fell gave chase, a string of obscenities flowing from her mouth.

My grip on the mask tightened. Hero. It's what she called me. Once I had even asked her why that was. She told me that it was because despite the evils of the world that I had experienced, I still tried to rise above it, still tried to see the good in everyone.

Wolf's words had always stuck with me, she was part of the reason that I am who I am today. I only recently figured out just why it is she's had such an influence on me. I'm not going to say why, since at this point it doesn't even matter. As I stared down at the mask I realized that it was time I started acting like the Hero she thought I was. I finally made my decision.

Hopefully this won't get me killed but in case it does.....

Fell, I feel like I owe you an apology. You were right...about everything you said, and I lashed out at you so.....sorry.