Nostalgia sucks

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I was not in my motel room, either that or what had already been an uncomfortable bed was even more so now. That and it crunched when I rolled over. With the sound of crunching leaves I bolted upright, which caused me to fall into a coughing fit. I brought my hand up and covered my mouth as I coughed violently. I breathed heavily as I brought my hand away from my face, grimacing when I noticed the crimson liquid that now stained my hand. That couldn't be good.

I glanced around and all I could see were trees. I blinked a few times, my eyes adjusting to the moonlit forest around me. I groaned, and yelled into the forest, "You cliche faceless bastard! Would it kill you to be a little original?!" I of course got no reply. Which now that I think back to it, was probably a good thing. But this wasn't the first time this had happened. Trying to remember how I got here was an exercise in futility. All I could remember was lying down in the motel room, hopes of getting just one night of shut eye and then waking up here.

I sighed as I stood to my feet, and dusted myself off. I had seen a forest when driving into town the other day, but that didn't mean a thing. I could be anywhere. I took out my phone and stared at the black screen. Of course it was dead. I pocketed the phone and began to walk in a random direction. All I passed was trees, no animals, or homicidal faceless business men. The quiet of the forest slowly calmed me down. I slowed down and sighed deeply.

It felt like hours before I found anything. It was a house. My eyes widened though as I stared at the house before me. It was medium sized with a porch, a small porch swing rocked slightly, despite the lack of wind in the clearing. The house was plain looking, but extremely familiar. Why wouldn't it be though? It was my house. I made my way up to it, frowning, as memories flooded my mind. Any good childhood were utterly crushed by the bad ones.

I stopped just outside the door. My hand landed on the handle and a shiver shot down my spine. Warning bells going off in my head. The feeling was of course familiar. It only when HE was around. I glanced over my shoulder to see the still empty clearing. So there was only one place where HE could be? Right? The feeling of apprehension vanished at that moment, replaced with rage. Feeling as though, liquid fire flooded my veins. I flung the door open, being greeted by the empty living room, looking just as I remembered it. Though, considerably more dusty.

So I stormed past into the hallway. The feeling of nostalgia as I looked down the moonlit hallway caused me to pause. It actually feel nauseated. I shook the feeling off and moved down the hall quickly. I stopped outside of the bedroom that had my parents. I knew where he was. I opened the door and stepped inside, the room dimly lit by the windows. He stood before me. In the center of the room, at the foot of the bed, the sheets made, the room untouched. His tentacles were absent, leading me to believe that he was not angry. His attention was on me, he stared at me. Yes, the faceless creature stared at me. His head was tilted as if curious to what my reaction would be.

My anger was no more as I stared at him. The fear had returned. I had stomped into the room, furious with him to.....what had I actually expected to do?! 

He turned his head and stared at the closet in the corner of the room.

Why had I thrown all logic out the window?!

He continued to stare at the closet.

I was smarter than this. I was supposed to be smarter than this!

My gaze moved to the closet. "You....you want me to open it?" I got no answer, of course. He just continued to stare in the direction of the closet, his arms at his sides, bent awkwardly as usual. My gaze moved slowly to the open door behind me but any hope of leaving was dashed when a tentacle slammed into it, shutting off my exit. I looked back to see the black tendril extended from his back, his head moved back in my direction. So I didn't have a choice in the matter. Staring at the blank visage that was his "face", I knew that I didn't.

With a resigned sigh I made my way across the room to the closet. I had never been in this closet before. It had always been locked, the lock had been heart shaped. I almost chuckled at the memory. One of my brothers had tried to get in the closet one day, only to be stopped by my mother. The next day my dad came home with the lock and my mother had said it represented their love. In different words of course, but it had been something cheesy. My parents had always been that way, all cheesy and they barely ever argued. Even when they did....hehe it was always about small things. I shook my head and focused on the present. It wouldn't do to get lost in my memories with faceless in the room.

My gaze turned to the door to see that the lock was gone. I opened the door and coughed as a small breeze exited the door, disturbing the dust. What was within the closet though, didn't seem to be anything special. Just a few photo albums, ones that I would come back to look at later. But the last thing to catch my attention made me pale, and my eyes widen in horror.

It was a mask. A plain white mask, black paint lining the edges of the eye holes. A smirk was painted on the mask, and on the forehead was an operator's symbol. I tried to prevent myself from panicking. What could this mean? The only conclusion I could come to was that one or both of my parents had been a proxy. But that didn't make any sense. The Slenderman had killed both.....he had killed them both. Had they not adhered to some order? Failed some mission?

I shook my head, such thoughts were useless at the moment. I grasped the mask tightly in my hands, before glancing at my parent's murderer, his faceless visage observing me, head cocked to the side. He almost seemed curious as to what I would do with this new information. It became all clear to me what he wanted me to do. What he had wanted this entire time.

He wanted me to follow in my parents footsteps. I looked down at the mask in my hands. With an increasing amount of horror, I realized that I was actually considering it. After all he had done to me, could I really serve such a monster. He had killed the love of my life, and my brothers. He had killed my parents. Even recently, he had been the indirect cause for the death of one of the only few people I could call a friend. I set the mask in my book bag carefully as not to break it. I finally turned to face him.

I stared at Slenderman for a long moment. Finally I let out a resigned sigh, "I'll think about it." Even I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth. These words seemed to please him because at that moment he finally vanished.

I've been at the house ever since. I cleaned it up, because it needed it and I needed a distraction. I haven't seen any of Slendy since but I've felt him. I know he has been around. Waiting for an answer. I can't help but wonder if he's actually giving me a choice in the matter. If I tell him no will he simply hollow me? Or even just outright kill me?

I have a lot to think about. So I'll cut this here. Until next post, if there is one.

Fuck

This is getting ridiculous. The rate at which I've been encountering proxies is growing, and fast. Before it had been one proxy a week, two if I was just unlucky. But it's gotten to the point, where I'm encountering four, sometimes five every week. God damn masks...in the crowds everyday. But what doesn't make any sense is that they don't seem to draw any attention from the people around them. It's like they're not even there. Always watching me, even when I don't see any, I know that they're watching me from somewhere, somehow. 

Sleep has been impossible as of late because of this. I haven't slept in nearly a week. The constant paranoia combined with the sleep deprivation is driving me insane. When the proxy aren't around, he is. The Faceless fucker....in the corner of my vision are just in broad daylight. I know that I'm the only one that sees him, because no one else even glances his way. But the most confusing part of all of this? Is the fact that he hasn't made a move. He hasn't attempted to harm me, nor have the proxy. Why? What does he want?

I've been on the move so much lately that I haven't found time to post, or check the other blogs. Until today, that is. So I was shocked to find that Wolf is dead. No, shock is not the right word. Somehow I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. Sometimes I think that proxies have a higher death rate than us runners. All I felt was sorrow and then anger...and then simply emptiness. At having one of my closest friends ripped away from me once again by the faceless bastard. Someone who helped me so much since all of this has started. 

I'll miss Wolf, but life goes on, there is not time for me to mourn.

I'll post again as soon as I can.

and yet I smile

"Isn't it nice?" 

I walked along the stone stairs, and I could't stop remembering.

"Isn't what nice?"

I promised that I was done crying. Then again, I suck at keeping promises.

"Just this. Sometimes I wish that we could stay like this forever."

I lowered my head as I continued, even though no one was there to see the tears streak down my face. It didn't feel like that long ago. Though, I guess it hadn't been.

"Why can't we then? I plan to stay by your side for the rest of my life."

Between the two of us she had always been more realistic. What can I say? I'm a romantic. Always have been more hopeful than necessary. Hell, a small part of me refuses to believe I'm going to die. A very small part.

"Things change Roy, you know that. I'll be gone one day and you'll have to accept that. All of us will die sooner or later."

This had been after she had met Sagari. She must have known. Izzy had to have known.

"Yeah? Then I choose later."

I've always been so naive. We don't choose when we die. When death comes, we have to accept it. Each of us have a path, each of us our own story. As with any path or story, there will always be an end. As I stood there, my time was ticking away. As I type this, it ticks away. A little morbid? Yes. True? Yes.

Valentine's day brings loneliness. Honestly Valentine's day hasn't sucked this much for a long time. I was in Toronto visiting Izzy's grave until last night. It may have not been the best idea, it left me depressed. I miss my family, my friends, I miss Izzy, hell I even miss Quinn.

I have no idea where I'm going, what I'm going to do, and how long I'll last from this point. At least I could leave Alice with good people. I wouldn't drag her down with me. Skye is still a child, but he's a good kid. I know he'll take good care of her.

I'm only twenty years old, is it possible to be too old for this shit?

All I know is that I'm tired, so tired........

Just keep walking

I sat in my hotel. It was times like these that I despised. With nothing to do, my mind was free to wander, to darker places. Alice was still at Tori's, offering to let her stay for dinner, the same offer was extended to me but I turned it down. I wouldn't risk it, no matter how tempting it had been. I glared over at the corner of the room. Faceless, as he always was as of late, was just standing there "staring" at me, his head tilted. His tentacles were absent, much to my relief. 

I had almost grown used to his presence, much to my horror. Him being there doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Hell, sometimes I even amuse myself by trying to hold a conversation with him. 

"Your suit is nice, where'd you get it?"

"......."

"Yeah, I agree, finding big and tall stores are hard these days."

"......."

"You're no fun."

It was the same everyday, he would show up and "stare" at me for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and then leave for an hour or two. I honestly had no clue why, either. He didn't seem angry, he didn't seem to have any purpose in what he did, other than maybe to intimidate me. But didn't he have his proxies for that? Why show up himself? 

Alice for some reason, doesn't seem to notice him, no one else either. Had Skye not saw him the other day I would have thought I was going mad. Not that it matters. I have no delusions at this point. I realize my time is coming to an end. So where is the fear, then? Where is the anger? The thoughts of just how "unfair" this all was. Why me? Where was all of that? No, I only felt empty.

At the end of my path, the realization strikes me that I've done nothing. Nothing whatsoever. At the end of my path, all I have left is regret. Regret for more reason than one.

Intermission

I walk in the night and let my feet take me where they will. I find myself in front of an old looking building, cracks on the wall and broken windows, windows with bars. I look at the large building and stare at the entrance.

I sigh before opening the door and steeling myself for what comes next. I look around the small waiting room, lit brightly and surprisingly clean. Behind a receptionist's desk is a young woman staring at a magazine. She doesn't look up at me as I close the door behind me quietly.

I walk up to her and she glances up at me, her eyes widening slightly as if surprised by my arrival. In a bored tone she asks "Can I help you?"

I take a deep breath and then open my eyes. "Yes, I'm here to see the hol-"

A bump in the road and my eyes snap open, and I look around the back of the van that our group is situated in. First I look to my right to see Rose, her head on my shoulder and her breathing even. A small smile makes its way on to my face. 'She looks so peaceful, you wouldn't even know we just almost died.'

I look across from me at one of the other woman in the veichle. Her unruly black hair cascades down her heart shaped face, her skin deathly pale. Her black lips are curved downward into a frown and I can only wonder about the nightmares she must be having. Two small arms are wrapped around her, the same pale shade of skin color.

Looking to the woman's left I see the owner of the arms. A young girl, no older than eight, bright blond hair falling down and reaching the middle of her back. She holds on to the older woman tightly as she sleeps. I was surprised that Alice could even sleep.

My vision begins to blur as I fall back asleep.

"-the end please."

She looks at me with what I could only describe as child like fear. She stands and leads me down the hallway to the right and stopping in front of a door. Without a word she turns and leaves.

I open the door and begin to hear someone talking to themself. In a language that I couldn't understand. Fast forward a few seconds and I'm at the end of the hall. I walk into a windowless room, a single man sitting against a wall and cradling something while muttering to himself.

Knowing what I have to do I take another deep breath and ask "What happ-" My lip move but I can't hear what it is I speak. My hearing back."-come together?"

The man stops muttering and looks up into my eyes. The look in his eyes nearly makes me scream. He opens his eyes and begins to to answer. I'm back at the entrance of the hallway. I hear the mans raspy voice echo throughout the hall. "They must never come together, Never."

"Roy!"

My eyes open once again to be blinded by sunlight and see everyone in the van awake. The woman already outside and Alice following closely behind. I look to my right to see Rose looking at me with concern.

"Roy....are you okay?" I look away when she asks me.

"I'm fine." My simple response.

She doesn't seem convinced. "Are you lying to me?"

I ignore the question, not wanting to talk about my dream. "Why are we stopping?"

Rose stares at me for a few moments, probably trying to decide whether or not to ask again. She sighs. "Blaire said were eating breakfast at a Cracker Barrel she spotted. Jane didn't seem to mind, and neither did Alice." Ah, Blaire is our driver.

"Cracker Barrel?"

Rose nods. "Cracker Barrel."

I grin "Alrighty then."

First couple of days.

Alright, so first of all. Um.....I'm not dead. I'm sorry that it took me so long to post this......

A lot has happened in the past month. So much that I'm going to have to split it into parts. 

..................................................................................................................................................

So in my last post I talked about leaving Texas and moving in with a friend. This person I moved in with is my girlfriend, Rose. Surprisingly enough I made it to her house, safe and sound. With no trouble at all. I half expected Slender to appear on the plane and cause it to explode or at least meet me at the airport. I expected him to do SOMETHING. I'm just not used to things being so quiet....so peaceful. In all honesty it unnerved me quite a bit.

From the airport I caught a cab and I watched the houses go by as we drove to her house. Still no sign of Slendy, no Cold Boy, no Smiley. None of the fears appearing in the corners of my eyes as they tended to. I was growing more nervous by the minute. Alice didn't seem to notice as she bounced excitedly in her seat. She was very happy that we had finally left the hospital, and at the prospect of a new home. 

When we arrived at Rose's house, I couldn't help but smile. As nervous as I was, I was pretty excited at a new home as well. Rose greeted us at the door and she helped me with my bags. I had a little trouble moving at the time. I still hadn't adjusted to the crutches. 

After I had made my way inside, Rose told me that she had set my bags in the guest room. She then gave me a quick tour of the house. I almost cried when I saw the kitchen. Little known fact for all of you! I can actually cook, and I'm pretty good at it. So imagine my joy when she showed me a fully equipped kitchen with a fully stocked pantry and fridge. It would be nice to cook something after months of eating instant cup ramen. Rose also seemed pretty happy when she learned that I could cook. 

I remember laying down in the bed that night. Staring at the ceiling. 

Still no sign of the trouble....maybe....things are finally getting better.....

I was right, things would be better and remain peaceful.

For the first few days.

Goodbye Texas

After almost three weeks of being stuck in a hospital bed I have finally been released. They set me up with a crutch and I hopped around after not moving for a VERY long time. It feels strange. So I'll be leaving Texas today by plane. I won't say where exactly, just that I'm heading to stay with a friend who was gracious enough to take me in and let me stay with them for a little while.

I guess with nothing else to say:

For your viewing pleasure.